Stone Hearts

We have spent the last two weeks high in the mountains of Kwa Zulu Natal at our home in an AIDS hospital, doing work that is needed. Brendon was named the Operations Manager his first day on the job in Sept. 2006. I was posted in the Business office to upgrade administrative procedures and subsequently started the Occupational Therapy Program (Jabule “Happy” Time) for the patients. The work has expanded into new avenues with computer training for staff taking up many hours.

The grant money from the US for purchasing sewing and beading materials has been spent so finding interesting and fun activities for patient’s recreation and handwork has become more challenging. In addition we have been feeling spent, losing enthusiasm and looking forward to going home. An incident a few weeks ago with the disappearance of some money in the office left my heart cold and my bearing brittle toward my coworkers. Is this what I want the hospital staff to remember about me? Theft and crime are very common occurrences here and nothing (no thing) is irreplaceable. Thus “Get over it” has to happen and one needs to be more careful about one’s belongings. My initial reaction, however, was “how do they have the nerve to take from someone who has left their comfortable life in America to help them?” This feeling was arrogance/ pride on my part
and not in the spirit of the Peace Corps or service. In addition, I have become more watchful and careful about distributing the beads and fabric, allocating the daily projects in a very miserly manner to make the materials last. I have to say no to requests for extra beads, and sometimes the “NO” is not in the most courteous manner. A nurse’s aide came into the sewing group this week and asked if I was “Cross” and I cringed that this might be the expectation as materials are depleted and my heart is growing harder.

Today in church the prayer asked God for a “Heart of Flesh” instead of a “Heart of Stone” and a “New Spirit”. So, this is my desire that as we finish our work at Mountain High - we will have softness and kindness instead of coldness and calculation; humility instead of pride. As I cut out the 500th skirt of this 2 year experience, pour out the beads for the Zulu border stitch, set up prizes for the bingo tournament, and attempt to demonstrate American cooking on a hot plate in the Chapel with limited ingredients, I will relish this unique opportunity and convey some of the goodness of the people of America. The Peace Corps tour of duty lasts 2 years for that reason; citizens of developing nations will come to understand America and Americans. Americans are people, warts and all. They sometimes care about the poor, sick, and forgotten peoples of the world but they are imperfect human beings.

We were invited to the home of the director of an NGO last night where we heard about the suffering of all the groups that call South Africa home and the horrendous violent crime that citizens endure on a regular basis. Her concern was that Americans are quick to make snap judgments without understanding the courage it takes to live in this country on a daily basis. Again, our need is for soft hearts and new spirits!